When Generosity Becomes A Lesson In Boundaries

There’s a quiet kind of anger that comes when you realise your generosity has been taken for granted. Not because you expected praise or rewards, but because you offered it from a genuine place, without conditions, without keeping score. You gave your time, your energy, your ideas, your support – because that’s who you are. But somewhere along the line, it becomes clear that some people mistake kindness for weakness, and selflessness for something they are entitled to.

It’s a strange feeling, carrying both pride in who you are and disappointment in how others treat what you give. You start to see the small moments you overlooked before the times when you showed up for people who couldn’t be bothered to check in on you, the times when your efforts were expected rather than appreciated. And it stings. Not because you need a thank you, but because you deserve basic respect, a sense that you are seen too.

I’ve found myself feeling more cynical lately. Not bitter, not hardened, but awake in a way I wasn’t before. Awake to the reality that not everyone moves with the same intentions. Awake to the fact that some connections, no matter how much energy you pour into them, will never hold the weight you hoped they would. People will take what you give and never think twice about how it might leave you feeling emptied.

What’s difficult is sitting with that without letting it change the parts of you that you actually love – your willingness to give, to believe, to show up. I don’t want to become guarded to the point of isolation, but I’m learning that generosity needs boundaries too. That saying no isn’t unkind, it’s necessary. That saving your energy for those who see you as a person, not just a resource, isn’t selfish, it’s survival.

This isn’t about keeping score. It’s about moving differently. About recognising that your softness deserves protection, and your time deserves care. It’s about honouring yourself enough to step back when the scales are tipped too far in the wrong direction. I’m not angry at the fact that I gave. I’m angry that I thought it would be seen the way I meant it, and that’s something I’m slowly learning to let go of. The truth is, we don’t lose anything by giving from a real place. The loss happens when we let others make us doubt that part of ourselves.

I’m not doubting it. I’m just choosing more carefully now where it goes.